Earlier this week, I was attemping to pull out of my driveway. I put my car into reverse, let off the clutch and gave it some gas. It wouldn't budge. I kept trying, and stalled. I pulled back up into my driveway and had my Dad come and investigate the problem later that evening.
He determined that my parking break was stuck due to a problem with my back breaks. He managed to unstick the break and I'll be taking my car in this weekend to get it fixed. However, until then I cannot use my parking break. I have been taught that the "proper" way to park a standard car is to put it in neutral and pull the parking break, and that is what I have been doing for the past 4 months that I have been driving it.
Four months doesn't seem like a long time, and in the grand scheme of things its not. But, four months is definitely enough time to make a habit that is really hard to break. It's incredible how much conscious thought it takes to rememeber one simple thing, as I park my car, DO NOT pull the parking break.
This week, I have really been reflecting on how hard habits are to break. My first wisdom wednesday post was on fresh starts and working on improving myself. I think I am stating the obvious when I say that humans cling to habits and we are not great at breaking them. Sure, its hard to quit smoking or stop biting your nails but I think the hardest habits to break are behavioural ones because we are often completely unaware of them. Plus, if it only took four months to make my "parking break" habit, imagine how hard it is to unstick a habit that took a lifetime to make.
I can see some of my worst behavioural habits come out to play in my love life. I guess, it makes sense seeing as it is such a vulnerable area. I know that the key to breaking these habits is to make a change, consciously DO something different. Nevertheless, all that is easier said than done. Sometimes, its hard to know what to do differently or how to completely identify the destructive habit. Other times it might just feel super comfy to stay in our habits no matter how destructive they are.
I certainly don't know the complete solution to this dilemma but I think I've found a good way to begin, and that is to let go. In order to move forward, break bad habits, and find the kind of happiness and love I deserve and desire, I have to let go of the past. While it is not as if I am completely clinging to my romantic past because there is a lot I have come to terms with and let go of, however I know that there are many things (or people) I still hang on to. I also know that holding on to the past doesn't serve me in the present and will not do so in any moment in the future. As well, hanging on to my past also enables me to repeat my patterns and act in accordance with my habits. For example, I tend to hold back in a lot of romantic encounters due to a lack of confidence. Hanging onto the past and remembering rejections and unreciprocated feelings will certainely fuel me to hold back and will certainely NOT build my confidence.
This is going to be my new task, break the habit by letting go of the past. I encourage you to do so too. Stop and think about what you may be hanging onto that is encouraging you to repeat a pattern or act in accordance with a destructive habit.
I'll let everyone know if I can make it until Saturday without using my parking break.
Ash
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