Don't wanna be a player no more

Before I begin I feel I must make something clear. I feel as if this post has the potential to come off sounding like I think that I know better and therefore I act better. Unfortunately, while I do know better I don't often act better, I just wish I did. I'm still learning, growing, evolving and always striving to do better. So, the "wisdom" in this post is just as much for me as it is for anyone else.

Have you ever been played? You know, you like a guy and he's got a really good game of hot and cold that he's working to the max on you. It usually starts with an initial hookup/date/encounter that is full of spark and promise. But then he doesn't follow up... at least not for a couple of weeks. Another hookup/date/encounter that is full of sparks occurs... followed by, yes, another negligence to follow up. And so the cycle goes on.

I bet most women have had an experience like this and I'm sure we would all agree that they are quite frustrating. Knowing how frustrating it is, why do we always let these men play us? Even if we are not consciously tuned into the evidence of the man's disinterest thats right in front of us I'm willing to bet that our intuition is hollering at us on some level. As the word "play" suggests, this kind of behaviour is a game and a person can only play this game if they have someone else to play it with. I for one, don't want to play but I always seem to end up right in the thick of it.

While I could get into the deeper psychological and spiritual issues that would enable a woman to allow a man to play her I think there is one surface issue that seems to at least get me everytime. That is, I always want to give a man (and all people) the benefit of the doubt. As a young single woman, it is pretty much a given that I'm going to come across my share of jerks. Therefore, in order to keep my head above water in a sea full of d-bags, I have to begin by believing in the best. I have to start by giving a man the benefit of the doubt. If I don't I will likely wind up bitter, alone, and confiding in my 5 cats.

A friend once said to me,
"You should never be ashamed you gave someone the benefit of the doubt"

She's right, when you give someone the benefit of the doubt and he or she lets you down, you don't look silly, they do. However, if you're anything like me... well, I often feel really silly when I do so and later learn the person I gave it to is just exactly what I had feared them to be. Actually, if I am being completely honest... I often feel super embarrassed and pretty ashamed. Why? My thought is that it is because I, along with many others, continue to give a man second, third and even forth chances even after there is evidence glaring me in the face that I should not.

The point I am attempting to make here is that while it is absolutely necessary to forgive, and ok to give someone a fresh start its not ok to let a person back in who continually hurts you, blows you off or plays you hot and cold. I deserve better, you deserve better, we all deserve better. In fact, a little voice in my head tells me, that when I let a man continue to hurt me, by giving him those chances, I only serve to lower my self worth and love. If I can't see my own worth or love then I certainly cant stand up for myself and be clear about the standard I deserve and thus, the cycle continues.

I deserve to be with someone who plays me hot, and only hot. So do you.

I have this funny feeling. Maybe if I stand up for myself once, it will keep getting easier... and possibly, I'll get to the point where I won't even attract those kind of men to me, I'll just attract the ones who will give me the love, attention and respect I deserve.

Ash

Oh! and by the way, I have another funny feeling... Once you end up standing up to a man, he'll probably wish he had called you, or taken you on that date he promised, or shown you the affection you craved. too bad, so sad!